I live with Benny. Benny puns a lot. This is normally quite unbearable, and it is my belief that he's mentally unable to stop himself. An adequate example eludes me, but quite frequently we'll be down the pub or back here in the flat with friends and Ben will say something so spectacularly awful punwise that conversation pauses for a good five seconds and you can almost smell the tumbleweed rolling across the table.
Being a caring brother, I decided to modify his behaviour. I remembered a school assembly when I was a kid. The headteacher, a lovely man, was prone to telling stories and we were prone to being rapt. The story was about how a monkey was captured and people in spain trained it to pose for photos with tourists on the beach. Essentially, they put it in a cage and burnt it with cigarettes if it moved. After a couple of weeks training, monkey was ready for primetime. Stick the monkey on a tourist, monkey climbs all over the tourist. Point the camera at the monkey, get your mate standing behind you to innocently light a cigarette and the monkey freezes in terror. Take the pesatas. Job done.
To train Benny not to pun any more, I was somewhat less sophisticated. Because we are frequently drunk, the corrective mechanism needed to be very user friendly. To this end, I decided to throw a shoe at Benny's head every time he punned. This was working very successfully until earlier this week when I received a very excited email from Benny which indicated that all my hard shoe throwing was for naught.
There's a comedy act called the Bad Film Club. Film fans sit in a theatre and watch spectacularly bad films, shouting out insults about the actors, directors, script etc. We went last year and saw Jaws 4. A couple of weeks ago the comedians were interviewed by The Sunday Times. I almost can't bear to say this, but, one of the few good puns that Benny has ever made appears in the article. Benny now thinks he's the jesus of punning and I don't think I have enough shoes left to sort him out. If you're interested in the pun, it appears in the second to last paragraph of this article:
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/film/article1484924.ece
But please don't encourage him.
March 31, 2007
March 30, 2007
Food This Week
Monday : Wagamama
Tuesday : La Tasca
Wednesday : Pizza Express
Thursday : Nandos
I'm getting bored of wagamama. Noodles plus other healthy stuff. Yes thanks. We get it. Move along. Nothing to see.
La Tasca feels incomplete somehow. I know that's an obvious statement. It's a chain restaurant. They all look the same. They all are the same, come to think of it. However, even within that expectation it feels a bit empty. The service ain't that good. The food's totally unremarkable. Somehow, they make exciting dishes bland and tasteless. Disappointing, but not unbearable.
Pizza express was alright, but it's a bit vanilla. Ticks in all the boxes, but nothing really stunning about it. Banoffee pie @ pizza express is irresistible. And I know you're supposed to be female or homosexual to enjoy amaretto but I can't stop myself. However, a pretty unremarkable experience all in all.
Nandos rocked. I had to talk the others into it, and I won't claim they had a revelatory dining experience. However, the chicken tasted good, the chips are brilliant and the wine was awesome. Hot peri peri is uncompromising, undiluted for the masses stuff. And it's invigorating. Yummy.
Tuesday : La Tasca
Wednesday : Pizza Express
Thursday : Nandos
I'm getting bored of wagamama. Noodles plus other healthy stuff. Yes thanks. We get it. Move along. Nothing to see.
La Tasca feels incomplete somehow. I know that's an obvious statement. It's a chain restaurant. They all look the same. They all are the same, come to think of it. However, even within that expectation it feels a bit empty. The service ain't that good. The food's totally unremarkable. Somehow, they make exciting dishes bland and tasteless. Disappointing, but not unbearable.
Pizza express was alright, but it's a bit vanilla. Ticks in all the boxes, but nothing really stunning about it. Banoffee pie @ pizza express is irresistible. And I know you're supposed to be female or homosexual to enjoy amaretto but I can't stop myself. However, a pretty unremarkable experience all in all.
Nandos rocked. I had to talk the others into it, and I won't claim they had a revelatory dining experience. However, the chicken tasted good, the chips are brilliant and the wine was awesome. Hot peri peri is uncompromising, undiluted for the masses stuff. And it's invigorating. Yummy.
ERD Love
What a week. No, really: what a week. On Sunday Al, Ben, Debbie and I ended up in an irregular pub quiz at one of the places near the college. It was full of brainy academics. One of the questions - I shit you not - was "Name all of Shakespeare's plays". There are 37, apparently. I got 22 (Troilus and Cressida? Corriolanus? Two Gentlemen of Verona? Spelling? Pah! I rock!) Al got another 10, but only because he got his brother to text him a list. I object to that kind of behaviour.
Anyway, Monday morning started with me being too pissed to drive and thus electing to stay in bed for a couple of hours and risk incurring the wrath of the project manager. This didn't happen. What happened instead was an enormously productive with. Seriously. I'm way ahead of the game. Dead impressive.
I've decided that it's a kind of mania. I got back in a massive state this evening because it took me three hours to get home. A whole 1 hour stuck in traffic. I don't respond very well to that. When the weekend starts I want to get the absolute most out of it, and fell incredibly frustrated that the rest of the world isn't moving at my speed. I was upset when there was no food to eat. I believe I may have kicked the fridge. I was impossibly full of energy. It was nuts.
Anyway. Tomorrow = band practice. This week we've been learning Wild Horses by the stones. This weekend is special because it's our first week in a proper rehearsal room, so I'm taking along my proper big bass amp for the first time. I may even get to turn it up above volume level one. That'd be quite something.
Fox has pointed out that there's a journalist on her paper with the same name as me. That's quite disconcerting. Perhaps people I know and have lost touch with think it's me. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing?
Anyway, Monday morning started with me being too pissed to drive and thus electing to stay in bed for a couple of hours and risk incurring the wrath of the project manager. This didn't happen. What happened instead was an enormously productive with. Seriously. I'm way ahead of the game. Dead impressive.
I've decided that it's a kind of mania. I got back in a massive state this evening because it took me three hours to get home. A whole 1 hour stuck in traffic. I don't respond very well to that. When the weekend starts I want to get the absolute most out of it, and fell incredibly frustrated that the rest of the world isn't moving at my speed. I was upset when there was no food to eat. I believe I may have kicked the fridge. I was impossibly full of energy. It was nuts.
Anyway. Tomorrow = band practice. This week we've been learning Wild Horses by the stones. This weekend is special because it's our first week in a proper rehearsal room, so I'm taking along my proper big bass amp for the first time. I may even get to turn it up above volume level one. That'd be quite something.
Fox has pointed out that there's a journalist on her paper with the same name as me. That's quite disconcerting. Perhaps people I know and have lost touch with think it's me. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing?
March 23, 2007
March 17, 2007
Home And Away
Spot Da Difference.
Currently loving MaximoParkOurVelocity / MyNewIpod/ AGoodWeekend / WorkGoingWell / NotLongTillPS3Now
March 16, 2007
Nipple Bulletin
Seeing how everyone else seems to be at it, I'm delighted to report that:
- My nipples are operating nominally
- My nipples are not preventing me from having sex
- Someone whose nipples do hurt says that I'm being prevented from having sex by something called my 'personality'. Pah!
- I have not had to apply warm air from a hairdrier to my nipples lately for either pain relief or any other purpose
Thursday = Wagamama
We found Wagamama on our way back from the Tapas place last night. Joe and I went there for dinner tonight. Really good evening. I had something that tasted distinctly Thai, actually. We shared some prawns and some chicken porky things. Joe had never been before but seems to be a convert. I'm not enormously keen to be honest; but it's better than a lot of other options.Bottle of tempranillo was very nice. Couple of pints in the spreadeagle down the road first. Discovery's not a great beer, but certainly hits the spot compared with fosters.
Spoke to Mum, Dad, Dan, Ade, Luc and Hoyan tonight. Mum's coming over for dinner on Sunday with Tom and Joe. Dad was rambling on about redecorating his place. Dan is gigging again and releasing an album soon. Ade is starting to have reservations about [another] dan - the one we jam with, but we're going to hook up on saturday to see how it goes. Luc is worried about hoyan because she has just broken up with her boyfriend. He lives in Hawaii and she was due to fly over there to see him next week. Hoyan herself sounds disconnected from the whole thing. Most crushingly - natasha and I were unable to make rise of nations work via hotel broadback. Poo Poo Poo.
Drama. Splendid.
EDIT: Did you see how I wrote 'broadback' there instead of 'broadband'. What do you reckon? Am I simply too fucking tired? Or do you reckon it was a freudian brokeback mountain slip because I fancy the men I work with? Tell you what: you decide. Text your answer to the Blue Peter ChildCon line on 0901 N-O-B-A-D-G-E.
Wednesday
Wednesday was a bit of a 'get stuck in' day. In the evening, the three of us went out in search of Wagamamas but couldn't find it. Instead we had tapas at a chain place. There were salsa lessons going on behind us. Female : Male ratio highly favourable, but I was hungry.Commit MentalNote.
A beer and a nice bottle of wine ensued. All back to the hotel bar. Dennis and I, who seem to have struck up a pretty good relationship on the basis of our shared cynicism coupled with contempt for the cattle had a few more beers and turned in at half midnight. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. But three 11 hour days and lots of mental activity have taken their toll on my out-of-form constitution. Consultants gossip. I think I'm going to get on alright with Dennis; but we haven't had a moment of truth yet. We're reserving judgement I guess.
Cuisine a Croydon
The 15th of March is my 4 year anniversary as a management consultant. I still don't know what my job is. Work is going well. We have lots of data. I'm winning people over to what we want to do. The people I'm working with seem pretty chilled. Everything's as good as it's ever gonna be after 4 days. I'm feeling pretty chilled and self assured. Life is good.
While I'm notionally supposed to be focusing on saving this company £4m annually, food is my main preoccupation. I may have mentioned that we ate in the hotel on Monday night. That was awful. I had a duck and avocado salad and a tuna steak. The starter was ok. The main course was terrible. Overcooked or not fresh or a combination of the two.
Tuesday: Joe and I ventured out. We decided to go low and opted for an all you can eat chinese place. £7.50 each or £8.00 with a soft drink. It wasn't great, but it was better than the hotel. I'd go back. Our per head budget per night for food and drink is £30; much like a council approaching the end of the financial year, I feel like I ought to try to spend that much or it'll be taken away from me. Roast pork ribs, Honey Chicken Wings and a nice sweet / sour chicken were the main attractions.
While I'm notionally supposed to be focusing on saving this company £4m annually, food is my main preoccupation. I may have mentioned that we ate in the hotel on Monday night. That was awful. I had a duck and avocado salad and a tuna steak. The starter was ok. The main course was terrible. Overcooked or not fresh or a combination of the two.
Tuesday: Joe and I ventured out. We decided to go low and opted for an all you can eat chinese place. £7.50 each or £8.00 with a soft drink. It wasn't great, but it was better than the hotel. I'd go back. Our per head budget per night for food and drink is £30; much like a council approaching the end of the financial year, I feel like I ought to try to spend that much or it'll be taken away from me. Roast pork ribs, Honey Chicken Wings and a nice sweet / sour chicken were the main attractions.
Scotland
Fox and Rodimus Prime (who isn't in a co-operative mood)
From da phone.
Here are Ewan, Benny and half of Fox laughing at me because I'm about to die.
Glorious hills, awesome rainbows and humiliation on the slopes not pictured.
March 13, 2007
Return To Werk
Was in Scotland with Ewan, Ilana, Ben and Ed last week but have blogged about that on Ewan's blog so won't repeat myself here. Got a call from work while I was up there, new project started on Monday in Croydon. Likely to last 6 to 8 weeks apparently, which will be handy money. Strange to be back after an almost work-free three months. Looks like it'll be quite enjoyable, but it's difficult to say with certainty so early in the project. The people seem ok, which is the biggest thing.
Holed up in a midrange hotel in the middle of town. Never been here before apart from Ikea excursions. Nice to be in the middle of things rather than in the middle of nowhere like the last couple. Phase one of the project will also take us to Chichester (nice) and Solihull (probably not nice, but could be a surprise). Interesting departure: we book hotels and travel through the client, so we've ended up with dinner included. Dinner in the hotel, however, is rubbish. Tuna steak like cardboard. Colleague's glass of wine was made up from the dregs of three open bottles. Yummy! So this evening we ventured out. Can't really see anywhere nice to eat.
Recommendations gratefully accepted.
Cider and Meatballs at Ikea, praps?
Holed up in a midrange hotel in the middle of town. Never been here before apart from Ikea excursions. Nice to be in the middle of things rather than in the middle of nowhere like the last couple. Phase one of the project will also take us to Chichester (nice) and Solihull (probably not nice, but could be a surprise). Interesting departure: we book hotels and travel through the client, so we've ended up with dinner included. Dinner in the hotel, however, is rubbish. Tuna steak like cardboard. Colleague's glass of wine was made up from the dregs of three open bottles. Yummy! So this evening we ventured out. Can't really see anywhere nice to eat.
Recommendations gratefully accepted.
Cider and Meatballs at Ikea, praps?
Bose are brilliant
A couple of years ago when I had more money than I knew what to do with I bought some Bose noise cancelling headphones. They cost almost £300, but I loved them. They came everywhere with me and kept me somewhere near sane in hotels and in transit.
When I started playing bass more seriously I started using them instead of an amp. The sound clarity's just awesome, you don't piss off your neighbours and they're so comfortable you can wear them for hours while you're trying to learn stuff.
A couple of weeks ago I dropped them on the floor. The headband broke and I couldn't use them without holding them with one hand. I called Bose and sent them back to be fixed. I was going to call them this week because I hadn't heard anything, but on Saturday a new pair of headphones came from Bose via UPS for no fee, despite the fact that it was my fault they broke and they were more than a year and a half out of warranty. Granted, this might just have been a mistake on their part, but it's simply fucking awesome to have them back and, intentional or not, simply excellent service from Bose.
When I started playing bass more seriously I started using them instead of an amp. The sound clarity's just awesome, you don't piss off your neighbours and they're so comfortable you can wear them for hours while you're trying to learn stuff.
A couple of weeks ago I dropped them on the floor. The headband broke and I couldn't use them without holding them with one hand. I called Bose and sent them back to be fixed. I was going to call them this week because I hadn't heard anything, but on Saturday a new pair of headphones came from Bose via UPS for no fee, despite the fact that it was my fault they broke and they were more than a year and a half out of warranty. Granted, this might just have been a mistake on their part, but it's simply fucking awesome to have them back and, intentional or not, simply excellent service from Bose.
March 07, 2007
al gets me drunk
On Tuesday, I met up with Al for a couple of beers at the wykham arms at lunch. I warned him I could only stay for a couple because I had a bass lesson and then Ian and Phyl were coming round for dinner.
Numerous beers and three and a half hours later we left. We played 6 games of shithead, 5 of which I lost. I was almost wankered for my bass lesson which I hijacked away from the planned agenda and spent listening to sections of Day Tripper with my bass teacher. I got home 15 minutes before dinner, still pissed. Benny was appalled and claims he was close to spanking me with a cricket bat. Dinner was nice though.
That was yesterday. Today started at 7am, flew to glasgow, jumped in a rental car and was at Ewan's rented country house by noon. Ilana, Ewan, Ben and I checked out Loch Fyne, went for a walk, went to a brewery distantly related to the one in the south, went for a pub lunch and now Ilana and I are sat round the kitchen table while dinner cooks.
Numerous beers and three and a half hours later we left. We played 6 games of shithead, 5 of which I lost. I was almost wankered for my bass lesson which I hijacked away from the planned agenda and spent listening to sections of Day Tripper with my bass teacher. I got home 15 minutes before dinner, still pissed. Benny was appalled and claims he was close to spanking me with a cricket bat. Dinner was nice though.
That was yesterday. Today started at 7am, flew to glasgow, jumped in a rental car and was at Ewan's rented country house by noon. Ilana, Ewan, Ben and I checked out Loch Fyne, went for a walk, went to a brewery distantly related to the one in the south, went for a pub lunch and now Ilana and I are sat round the kitchen table while dinner cooks.
Fondue
Saturday evening saw a rare London excursion. Hoyan [left] had demanded that I take her out for a fondue when she was unemployed in January. I agreed, but said I'd do it after she got a job. So here we are in a restaurant called St Morritz (sp?) in soho, who specialise in fondue. Also in attendance was Jess [right], Greg, Nick and Luc.
I left my ipod shuffle on the train on the way back. Idiot. Have now purchased a nice red nano though, so all is resolved.
I left my ipod shuffle on the train on the way back. Idiot. Have now purchased a nice red nano though, so all is resolved.
rock out with your iron out
This is what band practice looked like on Saturday morning. That's ade on the left and dan on the right, sorting out some tea by the looks of things. Dan drinks camomile. On the left you can see Ade's guitar, Dan's is facing side on to the right of the shot. The photo is taken from where I play, by the door to the living room in Ade's house.
It was a great practice. We nailed The Bends and Day Tripper. I brought an effects peddle along with a drum machine in it, which really brought us all together. Good stuff.
It was a great practice. We nailed The Bends and Day Tripper. I brought an effects peddle along with a drum machine in it, which really brought us all together. Good stuff.
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