I came up to Sheffield yesterday for my half day, got lots of work done and then headed over to the hotel. Once again they'd put me in a lovely room. Kenwood used to be a country house for some local rich dude. He wanted a view of the lake from his drawing room, so a hugh cutting was dug in the garden. There's still quite a noticeable dent in the lawn actually. Beautfiul clear blue skies in the morning. I left the balcony door open and was woken up by some ducks quacking outside.
Anyway, the hotel weren't showing the game last night, so I wandered down to a bar called Varsity on the Eccelshall road, round the corner from the offices I worked at in 2004. Now, it was a bit of an odd decision to go to a bar by myself to watch a game. But in my mind, it compared favourably to watching it in my room which in turn compares favourably to not watching it at all. It's a bit harder to follow what's going on when you watch games in the pub, but there's much more atmosphere.
There's lots of crap going round in the papers this morning about new formations and Owen and everything else. In my view it was a good performance from most people. What's frustrating is watching the highlights on breakfast TV this morning. Peter Crouch's goal is getting a lot of play. What they're not showing is the beautiful work Joe Cole did in getting past - literally - 5 or 6 defenders in order to set Crouch up. To my mind there was too much going on down the left wing - teams with more tactical slack than Hungary will spot repetitive ploys like that and shut us down faster if we don't spread our attacking options over the other 75% of the width of the pitch. But I very much enjoyed watching it. Really looking forward to the cup. If only we could find a way to realise Hargreaves' potential. Perhaps when Gerrard and Terry get used to their new / renewed roles they'll be faster off the mark going forward. Whatever happens, it's going to be interesting!
I seemed to drink quite a lot though. Bit of a hangover this morning :(
May 31, 2006
This Just In...
Word reaches me that benny's trike trek has reached lancaster! They are approx 40m behind schedule. No big deal in my view. A stunning effort so far!
May 29, 2006
Benny goes caravaning
Benny left on Friday to start the great trike trek. His mate Andy is cycling from lands end to john o'groates on a recumbent trike for charridee. Benny is driving a camper van as a support vehicle. For some reason, the mental picture of benny driving a camper van makes me giggle a bit whenever it pops into my head.
Should you wish to learn more about this frankly suicidal enterprise, click here. You can even donate online if you feel sufficiently impressed. If everything's going to plan they should be in warrington tonight. I pity them. I worked in warrington for what seems like a long time and found only 3 decent restaurants. Apparently Andy's eating lots of bananas. Not such a daft idea. Things don't get any easier. They'll go through Carlisle tomorrow. Now there's a culinary cul de sac. I was reduced to eating a kebab there for dinner once.
You'll note that the website has a blank diary and posts no updates about how they're doing. Very frustrating. Benny asked me to do this for him, but hasn't called. In another good example of BennyPlanning, he asked me if he could borrow my tomtom 5 minutes before he left. I had to say no because I needed it. But how come I get to feel guilty due to his lack of contingency planning? Grrr.
Should you wish to learn more about this frankly suicidal enterprise, click here. You can even donate online if you feel sufficiently impressed. If everything's going to plan they should be in warrington tonight. I pity them. I worked in warrington for what seems like a long time and found only 3 decent restaurants. Apparently Andy's eating lots of bananas. Not such a daft idea. Things don't get any easier. They'll go through Carlisle tomorrow. Now there's a culinary cul de sac. I was reduced to eating a kebab there for dinner once.
You'll note that the website has a blank diary and posts no updates about how they're doing. Very frustrating. Benny asked me to do this for him, but hasn't called. In another good example of BennyPlanning, he asked me if he could borrow my tomtom 5 minutes before he left. I had to say no because I needed it. But how come I get to feel guilty due to his lack of contingency planning? Grrr.
A half day
Tomorrow I'm working a half day in Sheffield. The day after that, I'm working a full day.
No one has ever really defined what a half day is. The bummer is that if I want to get in for 12:30pm, I have to be at the station at 8:30, means leaving here at 7:30, means getting up at sometime around half six. Not much of a half day, huh?
Technically we work from 9 to 5.
Ha! Shortest day I tend to do is 8 till 6.
So a day is 10 hours long. Which means a half day *should* start at 1pm. But there's another train that gets in at half one, which gives me an extra hour in bed.
Clincher: there's a football game tomorrow night. England V Hungary. Screw getting up early! I don't want to be tired for that.
No one has ever really defined what a half day is. The bummer is that if I want to get in for 12:30pm, I have to be at the station at 8:30, means leaving here at 7:30, means getting up at sometime around half six. Not much of a half day, huh?
Technically we work from 9 to 5.
Ha! Shortest day I tend to do is 8 till 6.
So a day is 10 hours long. Which means a half day *should* start at 1pm. But there's another train that gets in at half one, which gives me an extra hour in bed.
Clincher: there's a football game tomorrow night. England V Hungary. Screw getting up early! I don't want to be tired for that.
Light Bank Holiday Reading
Gravity equals to the loss of relation information during the in-flow from the quantum foam to the matter. Since the in-flow is turbulent, it necessitates the appearance of gravitation waves and explains the anomaly in rotation speed of spiral galaxies- as yet explained by the concept of dark matter; a concept process physics dispenses with. Quantum homotopy field theory, describing the dynamics of topological defects, gives subsequently ordinary quantum field theory and the rest of quantum physics and relativity, albeit differently interpreted
Process Physics aims to explain gravity in a way that actually works. Nice Idea!
Time for some nurofen :)
May 27, 2006
Fish Pie
If you want to make the best fish pie ever, then you need gruyere. You need to cube the gruyere. Then mash two thirds of it with the potatoes. Scatter the remaining third on top of the pie.
Then, marvel at your own genius.
Pouilly Fume helps with marvelling at your own genius. And it goes very well with the pie. In fact, it goes well with most things.
Air, for instance.
In actual fact, dispense with the stupid pie altogether. Drink lots of pouilly fume instead of eating. For, like, a week. Then, when you wake up, you'll have magically moved house and won't have to have done anything about it.
This is also known as 'the benny approach'. Not a word of a lie: benny is following a trike from lands end to john o'groates in a caravan for the next week and bit.
So it's my job to move us out/in next weekend.
This reminds me of an axiomatic exchange that has become something of a cliche in the organisation I occasionally work for. One of our consultants was working late in a client's office. Everyone else had gone home. On his way out at approx 9pm, he noticed the boss was still around too. So he popped his head round the door.
"Alright George?" he said. "I see everyone else has buggered off home, the lazy bastards! Guess it falls to you and me to turn this place round, eh?"
"Ye-Yeh-Yeah" replied George (for he had a notorious stutter). "But - who are the ku-ku-cunts?"
Night Night.
Then, marvel at your own genius.
Pouilly Fume helps with marvelling at your own genius. And it goes very well with the pie. In fact, it goes well with most things.
Air, for instance.
In actual fact, dispense with the stupid pie altogether. Drink lots of pouilly fume instead of eating. For, like, a week. Then, when you wake up, you'll have magically moved house and won't have to have done anything about it.
This is also known as 'the benny approach'. Not a word of a lie: benny is following a trike from lands end to john o'groates in a caravan for the next week and bit.
So it's my job to move us out/in next weekend.
This reminds me of an axiomatic exchange that has become something of a cliche in the organisation I occasionally work for. One of our consultants was working late in a client's office. Everyone else had gone home. On his way out at approx 9pm, he noticed the boss was still around too. So he popped his head round the door.
"Alright George?" he said. "I see everyone else has buggered off home, the lazy bastards! Guess it falls to you and me to turn this place round, eh?"
"Ye-Yeh-Yeah" replied George (for he had a notorious stutter). "But - who are the ku-ku-cunts?"
Night Night.
May 25, 2006
Sorkin Alert!!!!!!!!11111111
Aaron Sorkin, personal hero, awesome writer and creator of the west wing has a new show. Here's the trailer. If this is on sky, I'm getting sky.
You Gotta Fight // For your right // To parrrrtayy
Saturday saw our big 'house cooling' party here at huntbourne. I think I was almost as worried about this as I was about the house hunting stuff. There's always a part of me that thinks that no one's going to come, that something's going to be a disaster etc. But it was fab and I had a great time.
I started cooking about 5 minutes after I woke up at 9am. Division of labour was basically: meat prep = me; veg prep = mum; drinks = fred; bbq = benny. I made 2.5 kilos of burgers, 3.5 kilos of indonesian chicken skewers, 1 kilo lemon chicken skewers, 1 kilo spicy pork skewers and 1 kilo rosemary / garlic lamb skewers. And I think just under a kilo of spicyish peanut satay sauce. So I was busy in the kitchen for 6 hours with that lot. Mum made some great stuff - veggie burgers, hummus, guacamole etc. Fred had got hold of 2 barrels of spire beer from a brewery near salisbury which was brilliant. Benny managed to get hold of 2 extra barbecues from friends and at 2pm (about an hour early) the first people started showing up.
Now, the local pub has been shut for about a week by this point. The day before the party we all went to Loopy and Len's wedding in Winchester. The net result was that people are thirsty and have just been reminded what great company they all are. Despite the inclement weather - occasional, short showers - I guess we had between 50 and 60 people show up. Nick, Dan, Hoyan, Luc and Nick's sister Jo came all the way down from London to see the place. Fred's brothers, gran, uncle bob all came down and it was great to see them. We almost had a full set of Azavedos (we were missing Dom) and a fistful of pub people - Heather, Richard, Phil, Duncan, Kev, Dee, Stu, Charlotte - brilliant. The whole thing's a bit of a blur until all the food had been sorted out. Benny, brilliantly, had bought packets of marshmallows and set up a big bonfire at the end of the garden which was very impressive when lit and ideal for melting marshmallow skewers once it had settled.
ingeniously, Fred set up the beer under the yew tree about half way down the garden, so by midnight when most people had turned in and everyone else seemed to be sat around the fire, it was all to easy to get up and pour yourself a refill. I relinquished my room to Luc and Hoyan and spent the night in my new tent outdoors. I think there were 5 set up out there in all. With the music, the tents, the barbecues and the atmosphere it was a bit like a fun sized festival.
My favourite moment was right at the end. A load of us were sat by the fire with a couple of acoustic guitars. Michaela - who I think is only 14 or so - was very impressive. And it was fab to hear Dan playing again. His talent is totally wasted on being an estate agent! Shamelessly cheesy tunes. Wonderwall was definitely in there. A group of people singing along to songs they know. Fantastic. I'll cherish that memory for a long time.
Breakfast the next morning was great as well - lots of bacon rolls and strong coffees. I had a really good time. This house is brilliant for parties like that. Sadly the cons outweigh the pros, and I'm really looking forward to moving back to civilisation. I'll definitely miss it - but what a great way to send it off!
I started cooking about 5 minutes after I woke up at 9am. Division of labour was basically: meat prep = me; veg prep = mum; drinks = fred; bbq = benny. I made 2.5 kilos of burgers, 3.5 kilos of indonesian chicken skewers, 1 kilo lemon chicken skewers, 1 kilo spicy pork skewers and 1 kilo rosemary / garlic lamb skewers. And I think just under a kilo of spicyish peanut satay sauce. So I was busy in the kitchen for 6 hours with that lot. Mum made some great stuff - veggie burgers, hummus, guacamole etc. Fred had got hold of 2 barrels of spire beer from a brewery near salisbury which was brilliant. Benny managed to get hold of 2 extra barbecues from friends and at 2pm (about an hour early) the first people started showing up.
Now, the local pub has been shut for about a week by this point. The day before the party we all went to Loopy and Len's wedding in Winchester. The net result was that people are thirsty and have just been reminded what great company they all are. Despite the inclement weather - occasional, short showers - I guess we had between 50 and 60 people show up. Nick, Dan, Hoyan, Luc and Nick's sister Jo came all the way down from London to see the place. Fred's brothers, gran, uncle bob all came down and it was great to see them. We almost had a full set of Azavedos (we were missing Dom) and a fistful of pub people - Heather, Richard, Phil, Duncan, Kev, Dee, Stu, Charlotte - brilliant. The whole thing's a bit of a blur until all the food had been sorted out. Benny, brilliantly, had bought packets of marshmallows and set up a big bonfire at the end of the garden which was very impressive when lit and ideal for melting marshmallow skewers once it had settled.
ingeniously, Fred set up the beer under the yew tree about half way down the garden, so by midnight when most people had turned in and everyone else seemed to be sat around the fire, it was all to easy to get up and pour yourself a refill. I relinquished my room to Luc and Hoyan and spent the night in my new tent outdoors. I think there were 5 set up out there in all. With the music, the tents, the barbecues and the atmosphere it was a bit like a fun sized festival.
My favourite moment was right at the end. A load of us were sat by the fire with a couple of acoustic guitars. Michaela - who I think is only 14 or so - was very impressive. And it was fab to hear Dan playing again. His talent is totally wasted on being an estate agent! Shamelessly cheesy tunes. Wonderwall was definitely in there. A group of people singing along to songs they know. Fantastic. I'll cherish that memory for a long time.
Breakfast the next morning was great as well - lots of bacon rolls and strong coffees. I had a really good time. This house is brilliant for parties like that. Sadly the cons outweigh the pros, and I'm really looking forward to moving back to civilisation. I'll definitely miss it - but what a great way to send it off!
Sheffield and Videoz
Monday > Weds I was in Sheffield. I can recommend the Marriott. A sign of all good hotels is that they're good at knowing who their friends are. A quick glance at a screen reveals that I lived there for a few months back in 2004. Welcome back sir, we've reserved you a room by the lake etc.
Spent a couple of days asking people lots of questions. This is my favourite type of consulting: discovery and investigation. It's a bit like how I imagine peripatetic philosophers operate. Walk about, think about things, argue about them with your contempories and then reach a conclusion. Of course, the peripatetics were often wrong. Maybe we are too. But we're dealing with a big beast here: an organisation of 8000+ people with 6000 front line staff - all of whom are in scope for the work we're doing. We're in the design phase right now. So of course we're talking in big strokes. But I think we've got the foundations right.
Also, lots of time spent on trains. When I went up on Monday I got to the station with 15 minutes to spare. Fuckers at South West Trains only had one guy serving customers. That's a lie - there was a guy over the other side, but he couldn't sell me a parking ticket of the duration I required because he hadn't been trained on the relevant system. The act of queuing, getting my ticket, parking my car and returning to the platform took exactly 14 minutes and 58 seconds. I know this, because the train door closed right behind me. Lots of running was involved. Fuckers.
Once you're actually on the train, of course, things are different. I caught up with all my emails then set about editing videos. I took a heap of clips on my phone when we were in amsterdam and bluetoothed them across to my mac. Some of them are very amusing - you had to be one of the people there to get all the jokes and banter etc. - but it seemed a shame to laugh and delete them. So I used imovie to edit them all into something more coherent, added music to bits, insulting subtitles etc. I also put together a photo gallery which uses a special effect to zoom from one part of the photo to another and added some tunes to that too. Don't get me wrong here - the whole thing lasts about 4 minutes for the video and 2 minutes for the photos. But I thought what the hell. I used this other application called idvd to bring it all together and burn in onto DVD. I'm delighted with it - it has a proper DVD menu and everything. I'm going to run off three copies and send it to the boys.
Spent a couple of days asking people lots of questions. This is my favourite type of consulting: discovery and investigation. It's a bit like how I imagine peripatetic philosophers operate. Walk about, think about things, argue about them with your contempories and then reach a conclusion. Of course, the peripatetics were often wrong. Maybe we are too. But we're dealing with a big beast here: an organisation of 8000+ people with 6000 front line staff - all of whom are in scope for the work we're doing. We're in the design phase right now. So of course we're talking in big strokes. But I think we've got the foundations right.
Also, lots of time spent on trains. When I went up on Monday I got to the station with 15 minutes to spare. Fuckers at South West Trains only had one guy serving customers. That's a lie - there was a guy over the other side, but he couldn't sell me a parking ticket of the duration I required because he hadn't been trained on the relevant system. The act of queuing, getting my ticket, parking my car and returning to the platform took exactly 14 minutes and 58 seconds. I know this, because the train door closed right behind me. Lots of running was involved. Fuckers.
Once you're actually on the train, of course, things are different. I caught up with all my emails then set about editing videos. I took a heap of clips on my phone when we were in amsterdam and bluetoothed them across to my mac. Some of them are very amusing - you had to be one of the people there to get all the jokes and banter etc. - but it seemed a shame to laugh and delete them. So I used imovie to edit them all into something more coherent, added music to bits, insulting subtitles etc. I also put together a photo gallery which uses a special effect to zoom from one part of the photo to another and added some tunes to that too. Don't get me wrong here - the whole thing lasts about 4 minutes for the video and 2 minutes for the photos. But I thought what the hell. I used this other application called idvd to bring it all together and burn in onto DVD. I'm delighted with it - it has a proper DVD menu and everything. I'm going to run off three copies and send it to the boys.
Hoop Jumping
Never ever make the mistake of being a self employed person wanting to rent a flat.
They want a personal reference, a trade reference, a bank reference, a credit check, 6 months worth of bank statements, a P60 and 2 years worth of audited accountants.
Sadly, I've only been self employed for 5 months. Ergo 2 years of audited accounts would be a problem that would challenge the bean counters laterly of Enron.
A P60 will also be a problem because I was self employed at the end of the most recent tax year, but had yet to complete a return because I'd only been self employed for 2 months (obviously). Interestingly, I don't seem to have received a P45 from my former employers. Have just chased that.
I don't get paper statements from my bank. I called up to ask for some. 7 fucking days it'll take! Lamers! I've just printed 6 months worth out. I'm on the verge of offering them 12 months rent in advance just to shut the fuckers up! But no no no Tom, must remember that money is not a silver bullet solution to frustration. Hang in there. Must also remember not to trust letting agents full stop.
Sweet zombie jesus. This is going to be a full day's work.
They want a personal reference, a trade reference, a bank reference, a credit check, 6 months worth of bank statements, a P60 and 2 years worth of audited accountants.
Sadly, I've only been self employed for 5 months. Ergo 2 years of audited accounts would be a problem that would challenge the bean counters laterly of Enron.
A P60 will also be a problem because I was self employed at the end of the most recent tax year, but had yet to complete a return because I'd only been self employed for 2 months (obviously). Interestingly, I don't seem to have received a P45 from my former employers. Have just chased that.
I don't get paper statements from my bank. I called up to ask for some. 7 fucking days it'll take! Lamers! I've just printed 6 months worth out. I'm on the verge of offering them 12 months rent in advance just to shut the fuckers up! But no no no Tom, must remember that money is not a silver bullet solution to frustration. Hang in there. Must also remember not to trust letting agents full stop.
Sweet zombie jesus. This is going to be a full day's work.
May 22, 2006
Found a Flat!
The deposit's down. Go here: http://www.penyards.co.uk/details.htm - it's Cathedral View House.
The description doesn't do it a terrific amount of justice to be honest. It has two fairly big bedrooms on the ground floor, a reasonable amount of storage and a big kitchen / dining room on the first floor. It's also new, and is really central. Potentially the best thing is that it's <1 min walk from arguably the best pub in town, < 5 mins walk from 2 awesome parks and parking shouldn't be too much trouble because we'll get a permit.
Potential downers are that the view from the bedrooms consists of 80% brick wall, no balcony and no gas cooker. However, at £775 it's only £25 more expensive than places I saw that were absolutely fucking awful. So now all I have to do is complete a few forms or something and we're off. It's a bugger being self employed - more films and dancing around to do :(
The description doesn't do it a terrific amount of justice to be honest. It has two fairly big bedrooms on the ground floor, a reasonable amount of storage and a big kitchen / dining room on the first floor. It's also new, and is really central. Potentially the best thing is that it's <1 min walk from arguably the best pub in town, < 5 mins walk from 2 awesome parks and parking shouldn't be too much trouble because we'll get a permit.
Potential downers are that the view from the bedrooms consists of 80% brick wall, no balcony and no gas cooker. However, at £775 it's only £25 more expensive than places I saw that were absolutely fucking awful. So now all I have to do is complete a few forms or something and we're off. It's a bugger being self employed - more films and dancing around to do :(
May 16, 2006
Personal Best
Since roughly the beginning of April I've been going to a gym at a nearby Marriott three times a week. I haven't really blogged about it because I was worried I wouldn't be able to stay motivated, or would be unable to stick with it because of work. Apart from Amsterdam week, I've managed to keep it up. My current programme is this:
Hill Walk for 10 mins to warm up (level 10)
Bike Ride for 10 mins (level 10)
Row for 2000m (Level 7)
2 x 15 x Chest Press @ 25kg
2 x 15 x Low Row @ 35kg
2 x 15 x Leg Press @ 50kg
2 x 15 x Crunches
2 x 15 x Something similar to a crunch. Might be called curls. Might be called scrunches. Who knows.
So this is all good, right? Bizarre changes are going on with my body. It's like a new puberty. Don't get me wrong, I haven't suddenly become ultra fit or ultra toned or lost lots of weight or anything, but every so often I'll notice a muscle that wasn't there before. And it might be me fooling myself, but my work shirts seem to be fitting around the collar a bit better.
Anyway, the trigger for writing about this today was the rowing machine. I do 2000m every visit and it's the bit that kills me every fucking time. The deal with the machine is that I'm supposed to try and beat my own time. On my first visit it took me 9 mins 20s. Today, for the first time, I managed to get it under 8 mins.
7 mins, 54s if you want to be precise and I'm quite fucking sure that I do, thank you very much. I was well chuffed (did you pick that up)? So I've decided to go public.
The thing that I feel I have to look out for now is to make sure that there's a successful transtion when we head to our new dwelling in winchester. I must make sure I keep up the habit, otherwise I'm liable to drop it and regret it.
Hill Walk for 10 mins to warm up (level 10)
Bike Ride for 10 mins (level 10)
Row for 2000m (Level 7)
2 x 15 x Chest Press @ 25kg
2 x 15 x Low Row @ 35kg
2 x 15 x Leg Press @ 50kg
2 x 15 x Crunches
2 x 15 x Something similar to a crunch. Might be called curls. Might be called scrunches. Who knows.
So this is all good, right? Bizarre changes are going on with my body. It's like a new puberty. Don't get me wrong, I haven't suddenly become ultra fit or ultra toned or lost lots of weight or anything, but every so often I'll notice a muscle that wasn't there before. And it might be me fooling myself, but my work shirts seem to be fitting around the collar a bit better.
Anyway, the trigger for writing about this today was the rowing machine. I do 2000m every visit and it's the bit that kills me every fucking time. The deal with the machine is that I'm supposed to try and beat my own time. On my first visit it took me 9 mins 20s. Today, for the first time, I managed to get it under 8 mins.
7 mins, 54s if you want to be precise and I'm quite fucking sure that I do, thank you very much. I was well chuffed (did you pick that up)? So I've decided to go public.
The thing that I feel I have to look out for now is to make sure that there's a successful transtion when we head to our new dwelling in winchester. I must make sure I keep up the habit, otherwise I'm liable to drop it and regret it.
Telford
I alluded to Telford in an earlier post. Telford is just as soulless as Basingrad, but with the added bonus that it's 150 miles further away from home. I did a stack of work there in 2004. I rocked up on Monday morning for a day trip to see what the people there have done with the excel toys that I left them. They've come along leaps and bounds. It was odd to be back, but nice to see some familiar faces.
At first I think they were trying to avoid offending me - they've redeveloped a lot of the reporting system I wrote. But it's fine by me - it's great to see them picking up what I did and taking it further. Crazy times back in 2004. Strange to think about it now. Off to Leeds tomorrow. I love Leeds. I'm going to see if I can bung all the Excel stuff on my mac and use it to edit my amsterdam videos on the train.
At first I think they were trying to avoid offending me - they've redeveloped a lot of the reporting system I wrote. But it's fine by me - it's great to see them picking up what I did and taking it further. Crazy times back in 2004. Strange to think about it now. Off to Leeds tomorrow. I love Leeds. I'm going to see if I can bung all the Excel stuff on my mac and use it to edit my amsterdam videos on the train.
No Quiz for a While
The pub has shut for about a month. This is so that refurbishment may take place. Hence no quiz for a bit.
Lots of people think it'll ruin the place forever. I don't think so, myself. But that's change for you - people just don't like it.
So on Sunday we had to drink the place dry. I was trying to be sensible because I had to drive to Telford on Monday. Sadly I didn't quite manage it. We went down there at about half four. I don't quite recall what time we left. The drive to Telford and back (just under 400 miles) was a bit more of a drag than it needed to be. Belched my way up the M40. Silly Tom. Still, did a cheeky one down the M6 toll on the way back which lopped half an hour off the journey time. TomTom must have decided half an hour of my time was less valuable than the £3.50 it cost to use the faster road. Silly tomotom.
Anyway, the pub was fab. There was even music and dancing (typically confined to new years eve). I got a great video of Benny. I'm going to post it here later because I'm evil.
Lots of people think it'll ruin the place forever. I don't think so, myself. But that's change for you - people just don't like it.
So on Sunday we had to drink the place dry. I was trying to be sensible because I had to drive to Telford on Monday. Sadly I didn't quite manage it. We went down there at about half four. I don't quite recall what time we left. The drive to Telford and back (just under 400 miles) was a bit more of a drag than it needed to be. Belched my way up the M40. Silly Tom. Still, did a cheeky one down the M6 toll on the way back which lopped half an hour off the journey time. TomTom must have decided half an hour of my time was less valuable than the £3.50 it cost to use the faster road. Silly tomotom.
Anyway, the pub was fab. There was even music and dancing (typically confined to new years eve). I got a great video of Benny. I'm going to post it here later because I'm evil.
May 15, 2006
News 24 Fun
I've always felt a bit sorry for News24 - trying to beat CNN at their own game was never really likely. But this (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4774429.stm) takes the biscuit.
Imagine that you go to the BBC in London for a job interview. Courtesy of a dozy receptionist and an apparently incompetent producer, you end up live on News24 doing a *news* interview. Chap looked like he enjoyed it though. Fair play!
Imagine that you go to the BBC in London for a job interview. Courtesy of a dozy receptionist and an apparently incompetent producer, you end up live on News24 doing a *news* interview. Chap looked like he enjoyed it though. Fair play!
May 11, 2006
And so, to Amsterdam
In summary, Amsterdam rocked.
I stayed at a hotel in Gatwick on Monday night. On Tuesday morning Dan was supposed to pick Nick up at 7am. He didn’t manage to do this until 8am because Nick was preening himself in the bathroom following 2 hours of sleep after an all night skunk binge. By the time they got to the airport check in had closed. Cunningly, I had printed out the boarding passes in the hotel that morning when I heard how late they were running. So, disaster averted we boarded the plane. First alcohol was consumed shortly before 10:00, neatly setting the tone for the excursion.
We got the train into town and dropped our bags at the hotel then wandered around town for a bit. The day happened very organically. No one knew the city or had a real plan until the evening, so we strolled up and down canals, drank in a lot of bars, ate a very nice lunch and spent a bit of time in a coffee shop. Usefully, there were lots of Middlesborough fans in football shirts marking the more touristy areas in order that we might avoid them (the fans and the touristy areas). Greg got stoned rather quickly and couldn’t speak for 3 hours. Greg, incidentally, is something like 6 foot 5 and 220 kilos. The effect was rather like watching a horse being tranquillised.
Come gig time we hopped in a car and headed out to the Heineken Music Hall. I had done my geeky research. The venue had been purpose built for this kind of thing – the acoustics were absolutely brilliant. The floor wasn’t raked though, so it was difficult to see over people’s heads. Unfortunately I hadn’t researched one thing: the bars didn’t accept money, only tokens. Greg and I spent some time wrestling with the token machines but they refused to take our cards or our euros. Eventually Greg (by now having regained the powers of speech and movement) tracked down a person to help us, but not before we’d missed most of Willy Mason.
I’ve decided that there’s only so much that I can say about Radiohead themselves without sounding ridiculous. They played a truly excellent mix of music. The really memorable songs were Everything In Its Right Place (which they opened with), Paranoid Android, You and Whose Army, Lucky, Nude and House of Cards. My favourite was There There. Featuring the two guitarists on drums, it just seemed to unite the crowd; and when that solo kicks in, I don’t know, words can’t really explain it. It just takes off. You can see them performing it live a couple of years ago here.
Absolutely blinding. But the really telling moments were when things didn’t go to plan. Jonny broke a string during the outro to Just and it looked like he improvised a new ending using the remaining strings on the spot. Phil broke a stick during Street Spirit but joined in again right on the start of the next bar. The crowd were just as appreciative of the new songs as they were of the older stuff. The feeling of just being there was brilliant. Now I can’t wait for the new stuff to come out.
I stayed at a hotel in Gatwick on Monday night. On Tuesday morning Dan was supposed to pick Nick up at 7am. He didn’t manage to do this until 8am because Nick was preening himself in the bathroom following 2 hours of sleep after an all night skunk binge. By the time they got to the airport check in had closed. Cunningly, I had printed out the boarding passes in the hotel that morning when I heard how late they were running. So, disaster averted we boarded the plane. First alcohol was consumed shortly before 10:00, neatly setting the tone for the excursion.
We got the train into town and dropped our bags at the hotel then wandered around town for a bit. The day happened very organically. No one knew the city or had a real plan until the evening, so we strolled up and down canals, drank in a lot of bars, ate a very nice lunch and spent a bit of time in a coffee shop. Usefully, there were lots of Middlesborough fans in football shirts marking the more touristy areas in order that we might avoid them (the fans and the touristy areas). Greg got stoned rather quickly and couldn’t speak for 3 hours. Greg, incidentally, is something like 6 foot 5 and 220 kilos. The effect was rather like watching a horse being tranquillised.
Come gig time we hopped in a car and headed out to the Heineken Music Hall. I had done my geeky research. The venue had been purpose built for this kind of thing – the acoustics were absolutely brilliant. The floor wasn’t raked though, so it was difficult to see over people’s heads. Unfortunately I hadn’t researched one thing: the bars didn’t accept money, only tokens. Greg and I spent some time wrestling with the token machines but they refused to take our cards or our euros. Eventually Greg (by now having regained the powers of speech and movement) tracked down a person to help us, but not before we’d missed most of Willy Mason.
I’ve decided that there’s only so much that I can say about Radiohead themselves without sounding ridiculous. They played a truly excellent mix of music. The really memorable songs were Everything In Its Right Place (which they opened with), Paranoid Android, You and Whose Army, Lucky, Nude and House of Cards. My favourite was There There. Featuring the two guitarists on drums, it just seemed to unite the crowd; and when that solo kicks in, I don’t know, words can’t really explain it. It just takes off. You can see them performing it live a couple of years ago here.
Absolutely blinding. But the really telling moments were when things didn’t go to plan. Jonny broke a string during the outro to Just and it looked like he improvised a new ending using the remaining strings on the spot. Phil broke a stick during Street Spirit but joined in again right on the start of the next bar. The crowd were just as appreciative of the new songs as they were of the older stuff. The feeling of just being there was brilliant. Now I can’t wait for the new stuff to come out.
Spotted in Gatwick
A shop called ‘Lovejuice’.
Is anyone else driven to remember Avid Merrion talking about his ‘Love Wee’?
Is anyone else driven to remember Avid Merrion talking about his ‘Love Wee’?
The travelling salesman's problem
The contents of my boot: look at this! I was away from Sunday lunch to Wednesday night and I took:
My suitcase
My laptop case
My suit carrier
A bag of cricket stuff
A bag for Amsterdam
Logistical nightmare. Felt like Joan Collins. Bags were entrusted to concierges. I changed clothes, superman style, in a bathroom at the car parking place. Up and down the M1 – managed to get to Sheffield on Sunday night in 3h15m!
My suitcase
My laptop case
My suit carrier
A bag of cricket stuff
A bag for Amsterdam
Logistical nightmare. Felt like Joan Collins. Bags were entrusted to concierges. I changed clothes, superman style, in a bathroom at the car parking place. Up and down the M1 – managed to get to Sheffield on Sunday night in 3h15m!
Having our arses handed to us
On Sunday our cricket team played the team from Hedge End and we got massacred. They scored well over 200, we got 93. Personally I had an appalling match, scoring nil points and not being a useful fielder. My body was still killing me from last time so I wasn’t able to run very far. I always seemed to be in the wrong place. I think we all had a bit of a shocker.
The only consolation was that the opposing team are in a very strong amateur side in the proper leagues. They actually treat the games against us as a friendly so (to add insult to almost literal injury) they experiment with weaker squad members, rotate positions etc. And yet they still pounded us.
I found out about the league trophy we’ve managed to secure. We’ve (somehow) managed to get hold of the aluminium plate used by The Sun to print their front page reporting our ashes victory last year. This will be awarded for the year to the most successful team in our league. Awesome.
The only consolation was that the opposing team are in a very strong amateur side in the proper leagues. They actually treat the games against us as a friendly so (to add insult to almost literal injury) they experiment with weaker squad members, rotate positions etc. And yet they still pounded us.
I found out about the league trophy we’ve managed to secure. We’ve (somehow) managed to get hold of the aluminium plate used by The Sun to print their front page reporting our ashes victory last year. This will be awarded for the year to the most successful team in our league. Awesome.
May 06, 2006
Great Friday
Blitzed through loads of work yesterday (even though it was supposed to be a day off). Then went to look at some houses in Winchester – by myself as Benny was at Chris’ mother’s funeral. I saw a flat at £850, and two houses at £750. The two houses were shitholes, make no mistake. I.e. you walk in and mentally picture yourself hanging from a noose in the ‘reception’ room.
The flat was nice, but it was a bit vanilla. You know what I mean. Faux wooden floors, magnolia walls. Very inoffensive. To coin a brysonism, Benny and I fall into a category called ‘cheap but demanding’. I think we want something a bit older with a bit of space relatively central to the town. Off to see some more this afternoon. One of the ones I really liked from the list has already gone. That’s the problem with getting attached to things before you enter negotiations – in many ways you’re only setting yourself up for a fall.
Got back from that, cracked open an ice cold grolsch and played Astor at Rise of Nations. Great fun. It’s so difficult to tell someone that they’re improving without sounding like a condescending twat, but it’s true in this case. We’re probably playing a couple of games a week at the moment, they tend to last about an hour. Every time we play, she does something that surprises me – both strategically and in terms of how close she comes to murdering me. Last night she launched an early strike on one of my defensive positions, but the real pearl was when I was attacking her and she launched a sneaky attack on the other side of the map. I think I may have actually applauded.
After that, a rare night alone in the house was something to be savoured. I sat out on the patio with a surprisingly nice bottle of grigio and played guitar until a while after it was dark. There’s an application that comes with macs called ‘Garageband’ which is a really easy multitrack recorder, so I played around with some chord patterns and some notes over the top as well. The two interesting (well, for me anyway) things about that are that I have a much better program called ‘Logic’ which is an almost professional standard music program but declined to use it, and that I turned the metronome off.
I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t play along to click tracks. I really can’t get a sense for the rhythm. Garageband / Logic come with loads of drum loops and I find playing along to those is easy, but metronomes are a no no. Dropping Logic was quite interesting as well. Logic’s quite intimidating – loads of buttons to press and options to tweak. I guess I just loosened up a bit. And it was actually fun, you know? It was dark before I knew it. The battery ran out after a couple of hours so I came back inside.
That’s something I’ll really miss about this place. Being able to make as much noise as you want. A great tune came on the radio this morning – I think it was EMF and Unbelievable. So I whacked the volume right up. The windows started rattling and the cat sprinted off. Priceless.
The flat was nice, but it was a bit vanilla. You know what I mean. Faux wooden floors, magnolia walls. Very inoffensive. To coin a brysonism, Benny and I fall into a category called ‘cheap but demanding’. I think we want something a bit older with a bit of space relatively central to the town. Off to see some more this afternoon. One of the ones I really liked from the list has already gone. That’s the problem with getting attached to things before you enter negotiations – in many ways you’re only setting yourself up for a fall.
Got back from that, cracked open an ice cold grolsch and played Astor at Rise of Nations. Great fun. It’s so difficult to tell someone that they’re improving without sounding like a condescending twat, but it’s true in this case. We’re probably playing a couple of games a week at the moment, they tend to last about an hour. Every time we play, she does something that surprises me – both strategically and in terms of how close she comes to murdering me. Last night she launched an early strike on one of my defensive positions, but the real pearl was when I was attacking her and she launched a sneaky attack on the other side of the map. I think I may have actually applauded.
After that, a rare night alone in the house was something to be savoured. I sat out on the patio with a surprisingly nice bottle of grigio and played guitar until a while after it was dark. There’s an application that comes with macs called ‘Garageband’ which is a really easy multitrack recorder, so I played around with some chord patterns and some notes over the top as well. The two interesting (well, for me anyway) things about that are that I have a much better program called ‘Logic’ which is an almost professional standard music program but declined to use it, and that I turned the metronome off.
I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t play along to click tracks. I really can’t get a sense for the rhythm. Garageband / Logic come with loads of drum loops and I find playing along to those is easy, but metronomes are a no no. Dropping Logic was quite interesting as well. Logic’s quite intimidating – loads of buttons to press and options to tweak. I guess I just loosened up a bit. And it was actually fun, you know? It was dark before I knew it. The battery ran out after a couple of hours so I came back inside.
That’s something I’ll really miss about this place. Being able to make as much noise as you want. A great tune came on the radio this morning – I think it was EMF and Unbelievable. So I whacked the volume right up. The windows started rattling and the cat sprinted off. Priceless.
May 05, 2006
Beckett as Foreign Secretary?
When you're reduced to appointing someone like her to such an important post, you know they're all a bunch of lightweights.
I'm sure she did a very competent job at the department of rural affairs. But promoting her to FS is a bit like promoting the dude who looks after the photocopier to CFO because the machines never ran out of staples.
FFS.
I'm sure she did a very competent job at the department of rural affairs. But promoting her to FS is a bit like promoting the dude who looks after the photocopier to CFO because the machines never ran out of staples.
FFS.
iVote
So I voted by post. I voted for the conservative dude. That's because my lib dem constituency MP has recently been revealed as a turd juggler. I think the term is corprophilia. That kind of thing might be ok in london. But down here in little england it steams up our greenhouses :)
The lib dems are out and the tories are in. Labour never stood a chance. However, the following points are worth mentioning I haven't heard anything from the local parties: no leaflet, no letter, no phone call, no visit, nothing on the local news. Congratulations to the conservatives for winning control of the council. But if they're congratulating themselves I'd be worried. They didn't actually do anything.
The lib dems are out and the tories are in. Labour never stood a chance. However, the following points are worth mentioning I haven't heard anything from the local parties: no leaflet, no letter, no phone call, no visit, nothing on the local news. Congratulations to the conservatives for winning control of the council. But if they're congratulating themselves I'd be worried. They didn't actually do anything.
May 04, 2006
1st Cricket Game
First cricket game of the year on Monday. We met our ‘friends’ from the Brigadier for a ‘friendly’ game at Droxford. (pictured). They were confident. Our captain was confident. Having faced them in the nets over the winter, I was trying to work out how much we were going to lose by.
However, many of our team (the higher quality chaps) came out of the woodwork. The brigadier were all out for 42 runs. We got to 43 with 5 wickets to spare. I scored a run! Then I got caught. But I was happy to have had a go. In terms of fielding we were very sharp (with the exception of me). I stopped a few balls though, and chased a few others down. No doubt I am improving. But christ, did I ache afterwards. Only really shook the aches off today after some intensive jacuzzi therapy yesterday. It hurt to stand, sit, walk, raise my arms and laugh.
Next game: Sunday. We’re off to hedge end for a league game.
However, many of our team (the higher quality chaps) came out of the woodwork. The brigadier were all out for 42 runs. We got to 43 with 5 wickets to spare. I scored a run! Then I got caught. But I was happy to have had a go. In terms of fielding we were very sharp (with the exception of me). I stopped a few balls though, and chased a few others down. No doubt I am improving. But christ, did I ache afterwards. Only really shook the aches off today after some intensive jacuzzi therapy yesterday. It hurt to stand, sit, walk, raise my arms and laugh.
Next game: Sunday. We’re off to hedge end for a league game.
Car servicing: sphincters on standby
On the weekend my car started making a funny noise under braking. On Tuesday the noise was occuring during steering. The noise seemed to be originating from the same wheel where I had trouble with my wheel bearing. This, I think, is what is known as a mental splinter. Once you become aware of its presence, it is impossible to forget about it and the perceived irritation only increases.
So, amidst mental images of a wheel collapsing and flying off the car on the motorway I relented and dropped it off at ford in winchester. I would have used the local cheap dude, but because the noise was coming from the same corner as the work he'd done I thought it was time for a second opinion.
Just as well I dropped it off. The noise (as I had suspected) indicated that a brake pad had entirely gone. The other brake pad was very close to going so it had to be replaced as well. Two of the tyres were illegal, one was almost illegal so they had to be replaced. And the fan belt had a crack in it as well. There were a few other minor things that needed work. A protracted haggle ensued - rival quotes etc.
All in all, after the shouting: £550.
Choke.
But - and I promise you I'm not kidding myself here - I can really feel the difference when I drive it now. The grip around corners is much improved and braking is more effective. I guess it's like a lot of stuff - performance is erroded so slowly that it's difficult to appreciate the difference until it's rapidly corrected.
So, amidst mental images of a wheel collapsing and flying off the car on the motorway I relented and dropped it off at ford in winchester. I would have used the local cheap dude, but because the noise was coming from the same corner as the work he'd done I thought it was time for a second opinion.
Just as well I dropped it off. The noise (as I had suspected) indicated that a brake pad had entirely gone. The other brake pad was very close to going so it had to be replaced as well. Two of the tyres were illegal, one was almost illegal so they had to be replaced. And the fan belt had a crack in it as well. There were a few other minor things that needed work. A protracted haggle ensued - rival quotes etc.
All in all, after the shouting: £550.
Choke.
But - and I promise you I'm not kidding myself here - I can really feel the difference when I drive it now. The grip around corners is much improved and braking is more effective. I guess it's like a lot of stuff - performance is erroded so slowly that it's difficult to appreciate the difference until it's rapidly corrected.
Beancounting
In an act of cronyism, I have been appointed the treasurer of the pub cricket club. This is very important. I have to ask everyone for money and then keep it safe. To be a member of the club you have to pay £10 a year, £5 a friendly and £2.50 a competitive tie. We have a debt of just over £100 to our captain for kit he purchase last year. Each home game costs us £40 in ground fees and circa £20 for tea. Cash in hand is currently £75. There is talk of us getting public liability insurance (to protect us against broken green houses) but I think this is excessive.
To support my new role I have set up a spreadsheet. The sheet tracks the (itemised) debt to our captain, each cash transaction and whether people have paid their fees or not. At a glance, I can see everything I need to see. While I was putting it together during a break this afternoon I got this peculiar sense of satisfaction because I was actually using my skills to help myself rather than earn money for other people. It's not the most complex thing in the world, but it is very well put together and has a very clean design. What a very pleasant feeling: to have done a job well in the knowledge I'll reap the benefits for months to come.
To support my new role I have set up a spreadsheet. The sheet tracks the (itemised) debt to our captain, each cash transaction and whether people have paid their fees or not. At a glance, I can see everything I need to see. While I was putting it together during a break this afternoon I got this peculiar sense of satisfaction because I was actually using my skills to help myself rather than earn money for other people. It's not the most complex thing in the world, but it is very well put together and has a very clean design. What a very pleasant feeling: to have done a job well in the knowledge I'll reap the benefits for months to come.
Further evidence of Ryder genius
This courtesy of wikipedia:
And some quotes:
Channel 4's programme regulations forbid Ryder from ever appearing on a live Channel 4 programme regardless of what time of day it is. This stems from two appearances on pre-watershed show TFI Friday in 1995 where he repeatedly used the word "fuck". This lead to Shaun being the only person to date to be referred to by name in a Channel 4 policy document.
And some quotes:
"The chicks are always attracted to me enormous charisma." - Shaun in interview 1990
"Shit, is this mine? Did I puke on myself?" - Shaun Ryder 1991
"Look, pal, if you are gonna start using big words like 'perceive' you'd better start explaining what they mean." - during an interview in 1992
"Listen, I was that out of it, I don't even remember recording the fucking thing" - Shaun in interview talking about his collaboration with the Gorillaz. 2005
Don't talk to me about heroes
Increasingly, I feel like my itunes library will be my one meaningful legacy to the world. I’ve got it on right now, blitzing through work like a ninja.
Shaun Ryder was a motherfucking genius. He may well still be one. I’m listening to Black Grape / Kelly’s Heroes right now.
Lyrics:
Jesus was a black man
No, Jesus was Batman
No, That was Bruce Wayne
And the guitar it starts off with is just sublime.
Really. Roll over Beethoven.
Shaun Ryder was a motherfucking genius. He may well still be one. I’m listening to Black Grape / Kelly’s Heroes right now.
Lyrics:
Jesus was a black man
No, Jesus was Batman
No, That was Bruce Wayne
And the guitar it starts off with is just sublime.
Really. Roll over Beethoven.
May 02, 2006
Apple fanboy time again
Woohoo! My apple shares are now up almost 15% on when I bought them.
Last night, the value of Apple (according to its share price, anyway) exceeded the value of Dell.
And they've just launched some amusing TV ads which you can catch over at http://www.apple.com/getamac/ads/
Last night, the value of Apple (according to its share price, anyway) exceeded the value of Dell.
And they've just launched some amusing TV ads which you can catch over at http://www.apple.com/getamac/ads/
Bank Hol Quiz Action
Bank holiday quiz evenings are the finest quiz evenings. Below are a sampling of the questions for your enjoyment. Lots and lots and lots of other exciting news, but it’s important to blog the quiz first, otherwise I’ll forget the questions because I’m drunk. What a top weekend, eh?
Advance warning: the first question has the potential to be a bastard.
1. What cheese is made backwards?
2. In cooking, what does Cordon Bleu stand for? (We’ve had this one before)
3. 1980s music: which song starts with the lyrics: “She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene”?
4. Which European landmark constructed in the 12th century was closed for most of the 1990s in order to make it safe?
5. Which bird lays the smallest eggs?
Advance warning: the first question has the potential to be a bastard.
1. What cheese is made backwards?
2. In cooking, what does Cordon Bleu stand for? (We’ve had this one before)
3. 1980s music: which song starts with the lyrics: “She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene”?
4. Which European landmark constructed in the 12th century was closed for most of the 1990s in order to make it safe?
5. Which bird lays the smallest eggs?
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